Christ follower. 25 years old. Anything else... just ask. Previously known as ronishere, but I don't like that URL as much as the one I'm using now, and I think it fits me better.
Heidi Baker’s Prayer for Azusa Now - ‘Let Your Fire Fall Again, God’
I wish I had made it to Azusa Now, but that’s ok. I made some money doing laundry (that I’ll receive as a reward this week), streamed some of this online, and am wishing to replay the whole thing so I can catch some of what the Holy Spirit is doing.
14-year old witnesses classmates murder and return of parent’s murderer, gets ridiculed by government and media, tortured by teacher and ostracized by classmates, all the while having dark lord in head — remains sane
yeah… that can be pretty tough to pull off, but it’s certainly easier with Jesus than with any other resource.
if you were abused or are being abused by your parents as a minor you have probably heard something along the lines of “I do so much for you and I get THIS in return?” or “you’re so lucky to have everything you want!” or even “you don’t think about anyone but yourself”
but they’re wrong. they’re so wrong. they tell you this so you find nothing wrong with the way they’re treating you. and consequently you no longer feel you deserve the things every human being deserves and need to live:
love. love for oneself especially is a big one. your parents betrayed your trust and abandoned you emotionally and if the people you are taught to trust betray you, then how can you possibly think well of yourself?
but you are so good. you are good and kind and have survived so many things no one should have to be put through. you are beautiful and strong and deserve all the love and care in the world. if you can’t convince yourself of it on your own yet hear me now:
you ARE good. you ARE kind. you DO deserve kindness and love.
yeah… my mom said that multiple times to me and my brother growing up. i think she is hurting the dogs in many ways today, too.
let’s tell young boys that they are brimming with kindness and imagination and nobility. point out their gentleness, their fierce joy and limitless capacity to love everyone and everything. tell them they are princes in a kingdom of wonders and beauty and thoughtfulness and the warmth of their own hearts. take them to museums and symphonies and forests to make tree forts in. raise them to empathize, innovate and do good things. with confidence and humility.
I promise to tell my guy these things + many more beautiful things about his gem of a character.
this i deeply appreciate. it’s nice to see a post like this for a change.
even if you get along great with your family you will get along even better with them after moving out
generic is almost always just as good as name brand. But there are some things you never buy generic, including: peanut butter, ketchup, liquid NyQuil, Chips-Ahoy chewy chocolate chip cookies
just imagine the person on the other end of the phone hates talking on the phone as much as you do. Even a receptionist. I worked as one and I hate talking on the phone
at least once in your life you will go to Wal-mart to buy something under $20 like an ironing board or something and your debit card will get rejected. No one will judge. Everyone at some point in their lives has had $2.98 in their bank account.
thrift stores
everyone else is too busy panicking about everyone else noticing every tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about them to notice any tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about you
you will screw up. a lot. you live and you learn. and when you start to think too hard about that embarrassing thing that happened and how you wish you could change it, just tell yourself that what’s done is done. There’s no changing it, so just forget it and move on. It’s the only way to stay sane.
do the dishes before the sink grows its own ecosystem
you can’t put Dawn dishsoap in the dishwasher.
if you are the only one in the aisle at the grocery store, and you need to get from one end to the other without even looking at anything in that aisle, then you should totally cart-surf down the aisle. Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. Hold on to the little things. They make all the difference.
never try to make cake from scratch at 3am. You end up with a topographical map of Middle Earth.
15% tip.
the best way to get money for food is to tell your grandparents about how you basically live on microwaved mac and cheese. Their horror may result in twenty bucks and orders to go out and get yourself “a real dinner”.
sometimes life sucks, and knowing that it might get better doesn’t always make it suck any less, but you’ll never get to the non-sucky days without enduring the suckiness.
no seriously, NEVER put Dawn in your dishwasher
Do not buy generic brand spaghetti sauce either.
Always check the type of light bulb that goes in lamps. A 60w is not interchangeable with a 40w.
Dollar store batteries work just as well as store brand.
Reward yourself from time to time when you do things that you needed to get done. It’s a good way to remind yourself to do them. Going out to pay a bill? Get Starbucks or something you don’t get often. Rewards don’t have to be huge, they can be small things like that.
Rice, pasta, flour, sugar, cheese, eggs, milk, a pack of chicken, a pack of frozen veggies and a well stocked spice cabinet go a long way food-wise. Splurge and get the biggest container of rice you can. You don’t have to go back and buy it again anytime soon and it makes a TON of meals in the meantime.
Rice can be cooked on the stove. You don’t need a fancy rice cooker. Two parts water to every one part rice (two cups water for one cup of rice for example). Get your water boiling, add rice, put a plate or lid on it, put it on low for 20 minutes. It should be done.
Keep a calendar on your pc of bill due dates. If your bills are set up at inconvenient times, like all of the services started on the first or something, then call up the company and find out if you can get your billing date switched to something more manageable. A lot of places do try to work with you.
There is no shame in calling a company and asking for an extension on a bill. Let them know what you can pay, pay that amount, and they arrange when the rest of the payment is required. This can stop you from having services shut off man. It shows responsibility on your part.
Take time to eat, even when you don’t feel like eating. Your body needs energy to live.
Wash or rinse your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. It prevents gross caked on junk.
“The Works” is an excellent cheap toilet cleaner.
MAGIC. FUCKING. ERASERS. THEY WORK ON EVERYTHING JUST DON’T SCRUB HARD. I took the ring out of our bathtub with one. Also generic ones work just as well.
Keep some bleach around but if you use it for cleaning? Dillute it. There’s rarely ever a case where you need to pout straight bleach on anything. A cap full or two in a bucket of water works just fine.
DO NOT MIX CLEANERS. Chemical reactions are can be very dangerous. Here’s a good list. (Note that vinegar and baking soda can actually be a good combo for removing smells from things but it’s not very good at actually -cleaning-.)
If you drink? Don’t take meds at the same time it’s just not good.
Make sure you check the dosages on your pill bottles. No one wants to accidentally overdose on cough syrup or ibuprofen.
If you have a uterus make sure you have a heating pad and ibuprofen on hand for the pain. Hot baths also generally help and Ginger Tea is excellent for any nausea.
Buy a first aid kit. It’s worth it in the long run.
You can often do your taxes online at places like TurboTax.
Petroleum jelly (aka Vaseline) is good for chapped lips and you can get a decent sized tube or tub of it (generic brand version) for cheaper/same price as Chapstick.
KEEP TRIPLE ANTIBIOTIC OINTMENT IN YOUR HOUSE FOR CUTS AND SCRAPES AND SORES.
~~Medications~~
Over the counter medications (stuff you can buy right off the shelf no prescription needed) have a name brand and a generic name. ALWAYS buy generic if it’s available it is literally the same thing and way cheaper usually.
Some names to remember when you’re looking for meds!
Acetaminophen = Tylenol
Used to treat pain and reduce fever. Do not take with Ibuprofen.
Ibuprofen = Advil, Midol, Motrin
Used for pain and fever, is an anti-inflammtory. Is good for period cramps because it is an NSAID (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug).
Naproxen = Aleve, Naprosyn
Treats fever, pain, arthritis pain, gout, period cramps, tendinitis, headache, backache, and toothache. Is also an NSAID.
Acetaminophen + Asprin + Caffeine = Excedrin
Usually marketed as “Migraine Relief” as a generic.
Asprin = Bayer
Use for pain, fever, arthritis, and inflammation. Makes you bleed easily so should not be used for periods. Might reduce risk of heart attacks.\
Triple Antibiotic Ointment = Neosporin
Used on cuts, sores, and scrapes to reduce risk of infection and promote healing.
Also a general mutli-vitamin isn’t a bad idea and if you don’t get a lot of fruits or milk/sunshine in your diet you might want to get vitamins C and D specifically for daily use.
if you do accidentally lapse and put dawn in your dishwasher, run it empty and put hair conditioner where the detergent goes. that’ll clean it out (tip given to me by dorm custodian when roommate did the thing).
if you live off ramen, add stuff to it! add veggies you like, don’t use the whole flavor packet to cut down on sodium and msg or don’t use it at all and add your own spices.
if you’re making something with potatoes in it (beans, stew) potatoes are done when you can easily stab a fork through them.
you can microwave a hotdog as long as you put it in a microwave safe container of water. microwaves work by making water molecules vibrate. also, when reheating rice leftovers, add a small amount of water, like maybe a spoonfull, so it doesn’t get hard and crunchy.
the rice cooking advice above is for long grain rice. if you’re making short or medium grain rice, a 1:1 ratio (one cup water for one cup rice) is better, so the rice doesn’t come out too mushy.
buy a few cans of chicken. wholesale club stores like sam’s, costco, or bj’s tend to carry multipacks for a good price. they’re incredibly useful for when you forget to defrost meat.
buy meat on sale and put it in the freezer. buy vegetables on sale, and put them in the freezer. frozen veggies are often as flavorful and good as fresh ones, keep longer, and often come in microwaveable bags or with microwave directions.
soak ink stains in milk to help get them out or at least lighten them.
soak blood stains in water as soon as possible, with a bit of detergent or stain remover. scrub at them. use cold water, heat binds proteins to fabric. tbh, there’s no real need to change the washer from cold-cold setting unless the thing you’re washing says to wash in warm water.
acetone, found in most nail polish removers, dissolves super glue.
YOU’RE ALL DOING GOD’S WORK BLESS YOU
Takes pictures, have prints made and put them in photo albums. Be IN the pictures, have someone take pictures of you and your friends. Get over not looking perfect in thw picture. Someday that friend might be gone and those pictures might be all you’ll have, you will want to be in them. I made that mistake with my best friend, i always felt weird asking for a picture together… he died of cancer January of 2014 and now i have no pictures of us together. Its my only regret in life.
This is really helpful, thank you all!
I’m the newest of new adults but I’m gonna throw these little tips in there. IF YOU HAVE AN OLD CAR:
-coolant or water if your car overheats (coolant is preferable cause it won’t hurt the engine in the long run but hey i know money is tight)
-flashlight in case you break down at night and need to check under the hood and your phone is dead
-SPARE TIRE.
-jumper cables.you will at some point leave your lights on. you just will.
AAA or any other road side service is never a bad investment i swear. (try to mooch it off your parents as long as you can though)
Know how to change a tire. You’re going to need to do it at some point in time and you can’t always rely on someone else to do it for you.
Don’t be afraid to go to your local food bank. They are there for a reason.
Don’t be ashamed to ask for help period. Life is hard, everyone needs help occasionally.
You can put a LOWER wattage bulb in a lamp that says it’s for a higher one, but don’t put a HIGHER wattage bulb in. Also, watts refer to the amount of electricity used. LUMENS refers to the amount of light put out, and can vary quite a bit between brands, even though the wattage is the same. Look for the one with the highest lumens unless you actually want a slightly dimmer bulb in a certain location.
Those dollar store batteries? Fine if they’re alkaline. “Heavy-duty” batteries, however, won’t last nearly as long.
You can microwave a hot dog and bun simply by wrapping them in a toweling for a minute, less if you don’t want them scalding hot.
Reblogging to save lives.
Two adulting (kitchen-related) tips from me!
1. Buy a roll of parchment paper from the cooking shit aisle. A big roll will last you for-fucking-ever. Pretty much any time you’re using a baking pan you can line it with that stuff and save yourself A: food sticking to the pan and B: it’s a quick rinse and it’s clean.
2. Bread can get fucking expensive, so make your own. A bigass bag of flour and a bag of active dry yeast (store it in the friiiiidge!!!) works out a FUCK of a lot cheaper than buying bread at the store, and you can do so much more with it. Bread, pizza, rolls, cinnibuns, homemade pizza pockets. It seems intimidating but it’s stupid easy.
Seriously. It’s stupid simple to make, and most of the “3 hours” to make it is sitting around surfing the internet or doing whatever the fuck you want while the dough rises. If you have an afternoon free once a week to sit and play video games or surf the net, you have the time to make your own bread on the cheap. Here’s my simple-as-fuck recipe:
2 ¼ teaspoons active dry yeast (You can buy a bag of this stuff CHEAP in bulk stores, the little packets are hella stupid priced) 1 cup warm water (think a hot bath) 1 ½ teaspoons sugar 2 tablespoons oil (any kind works for the most part) 2 ¼ cups flour 1 teaspoon salt
1. Stir the yeast, water, sugar, and oil up in a bowl. Let it sit for about 10 minutes. It will foam up VERY high, this is the yeast getting happy! If it doesn’t get all foamy, the water may have been too hot or not hot enough. Remember, Yeast is alive! Treat it like a nice girlfriend!
2. Mix your flour, salt, and the yeast concoction up in a bowl.
3. Knead that shit for about 5 minutes. It will start sticky as heck, but will come together into a nice dough. If it’s still super sticky, toss in a bit more flour. Here’s how to knead it:
4. Put your dough in a covered, lightly oiled bowl and leave it someplace warmish for an hour. At that point it will have roughly doubled in size, give it a gentle punch to release the gasses that have built up inside. Cover it again and let it sit for a bit longer.
Boom. You have bread dough. Here are some baking times and uses for ya:
Optional egg-wash: Just crack an egg into a bowl, add a pinch of salt, and mix the bejeebus out of it with a fork. Brush (or if you’re like me, goop it on with said fork) that shit thinly on bread before baking for a nice crust.
Pizza: Stretch it on a pan, stab the fucker all over with a fork, add toppings, bake 425*F 15-20 minutes.
Bread Sticks: Make snake-shapes, let rest on pan 10-ish minutes, bake 400*F 10-20 minutes.
Dinner rolls: Make ball-sized (yes those balls) balls. Place on greased pan, let rest 10-20 minutes to rise. Egg-wash and bake 375*F 25 minutes.
Bread: Lightly score (cut) the top, let sit for 20-ish minutes on/in whatever you’re using to bake it, egg-wash, bake at 375*F for 20-ish minutes. It’s done when it sounds hollow if you knock on the bottom.
You bet your ass you can deep-fry this shit for cheapie yeast doughnuts. Roll that shit in sugar or dip it in whatever, it’s fucking tasty.
Bagels: YES. YOU. CAN. Form bagel-shapes out of the dough and boil them in salty water for about 2 minutes. Egg-wash them and bake them at 400*F for 10 minutes.
Cinnamon Rolls: Roll that shit out into a rectangle. Brush it with a mix of butter, cinnamon, sugar, and a pinch of salt (no exact amounts here, do it to your taste). Roll it up into a log, and cut it into discs. Let them sit 20 minutes in a pan and then bake at 375*F 15-17 minutes.
You can add whatever you want to the dough for some variety, just if it’s dried spices remember you really only need 1-ish tablespoons. I personally like making bread with about 1 tablespoon of dill in the dough. Roll it out flat, sprinkle it with cheddar, roll it into a log, squeeze the ends shut, and bake it like a regular loaf of bread. Cheesy dill bread OMNOMNOM.
*ahem* That got a bit long. But yeah. Bread’s expensive, yo. Save your wallet.
(Also it’s ridiculous amounts of therapeutic to bake, for me anyway)
Being able to bake your own bread is pretty awesome, if you got the time for it.
Saving this for all the future references! Sorry for the language on here, though :P
While some survivors shy away from sex completely after the fact, other still are able to have healthy sex lives, there is another subset of the survivor+sex possibilities- those who use sex as a form of self harm.
How can you tell if you’re using sex as a self harm mechanism?
Does sex usually make you feel bad?
Do you seek out sex when you feel bad about yourself?*
*and not as in ‘my partner makes me feel loved when we have sex, so I go to them. kind of seek out.
Do you think that it’s all you’re worth?
Do you often find yourself dissociating during sex?
Do you often find yourself going into situations you feel are risky and then being upset with yourself afterwards?
If you answered yes to any of the above, you might be using sex as self harm.
What can you do if you’re using sex as self harm?
First, it’s important to remember that shaming yourself will not actually make you stop. Sometimes we beat up on ourselves over these things and call ourselves horrible names- and we justify it by saying ‘it’ll make me stop’ or ‘it’s what I deserve for doing this’.
It won’t make you stop, it may even drive you to doing it again. And you don’t deserve to be hurt anymore.
No longer using sex as a self harm mechanism comes in three to four parts.
What will you do when you do use sex as self harm?
Even once you’ve recognized that this is a behavior that you want to stop- most survivors will slip up a few times.
Create a self care plan. Figure out what you need to do to reduce the damage. Both in terms of during and after. Birth control and ‘afterwards I will call my friend instead of beating myself up for this.‘
What will you do when you want to use sex as a self harm mechanism?
When you find yourself wanting to self harm- what will you do? How will you distract yourself?
A lot of people do the….‘if I still want to do this in an hour I can re-examine the urge again.’ game. 'I’m going to watch an episode of HTGWM and then maybe’ 'I’m going to go take a shower and brush my hair and do my makeup and then we’ll think about it again’ 'If I still want to do this tomorrow- then maybe.’
Have a plan of things you can do in the mean time. Have things that are both straight up distractions and ways to vent, express yourself, deal with the feelings that are driving here.
Maybe ways that you can be validated. Maybe 'instead of going to the bar or calling that boy I’m going to call my friend _____ and see if she’ll come over and we’ll lay on the couch and watch netflix'
Whatever it is that you need to do to keep yourself from self harming.
Figuring out why you want to use sex as a self harm mechanism- and attacking that at the root.
Maybe it’s because you think that this is all you’re worth. If so- find other ways to validate your worth, if you can’t find worth in who you already are- ask someone else you trust to help you see it. maybe help you write a list. or figure out ways you can help build your sense of worth- volunteering, or by being a good friend, or whatever it is you think makes a person worth while.
Maybe it’s because you think this is what you deserve. If so- when you’re feeling okay I want you to write down that you don’t. that you don’t deserve to be touched when you don’t want to be. That you deserve better things. That trauma has not marked you for life as undeserving of intimacy. You deserve to come to it on your own terms though. You did not deserve what happened to you. and you do not 'deserve’ self harm, you deserve so much better.
Maybe it’s because you’re trying to process what happened. and if so- it’s a sign processing needs to happen about the trauma. Try to find healthier ways to process. Talk to a friend or a group or therapist. Read articles or watch poetry or whatever it is that you think is a healthy way to process what happened. make art, whatever it is you need to do.
Find ways to directly deal with the root of why you self harm.
and lastly- this is only if you /want/ to. Nobody is required to have sex ever again.
Find out ways to have a healthy sex life again.
Maybe you’ll still need to do the waiting period at first- to make sure it isn’t a self harming urge. 'If I still want to have sex with you in a few days, maybe. but right now- I need to wait.’
Maybe you’ll need to have sex a certain way. Soft and slow. In a certain environment. With certain conditions.
Whatever it is that makes you feel safe and comfortable. The important thing is finding something that works for you.
—–
Remember, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are trying to heal the best way that you know possible, but I want you to know, that you don’t deserve to hurt and that there are other ways to go about things. that you have options.
![when-the-rainbow-is-enuf:
“ selfcareafterrape:
“ [Image: ‘Using Sex as self harm?]
While some survivors shy away from sex completely after the fact, other still are able to have healthy sex lives, there is another subset of the survivor+sex...](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7aada1cb7af124bfa87965c9c1fb9cfd/tumblr_ngdtxa380x1s8wamao1_500.png)
